Nevertheless
by black.is.the.new.blood
Summary: Ritsuka is now 14.  But still overwhelmed with the burden of always hiding from the person he..loved?  After all the years of taking out his anger on everyone else and more recently himself, is he finally ready to confess?..T for now..may change.
1. Chapter 1

Ritsuka was having that dream again. Ever since he found that picture hidden in the back of the drawer in Soubi's dresser of Soubi when he was fourteen (and had ears), he had been having a continuos dream of the scar "Beloved" falling off Soubi's chest, and suddenly morphing into the younger Soubi. Then, as it always happened, Soubi ran over to Ritsuka and took him into his arms. Which was much easier considering he now being younger only had maybe a inch or two over Ritsuka. In which then he would whisper in Ritsuka's ears, "Ritsuka, I love you. I was always meant to be yours. I was meant to be Loveless." Upon saying said phrase, he would then bare his beautiful blue eyes into Ritsuka's violet eyes, and they each leaned into each other. Each bracing for the wanted kiss, when suddenly...Ritsuka would wake up.

On most nights when he had this re-occurring dream, he would simply cry himself back to sleep. But this night, the dream simply pissed him off. "DAMMIT!" He screamed into the cold and lonely darkness of his empty room. He sat up and stared at the balcony's sliding glass door.

Ritsuka wasn't exactly sure how he felt about Soubi. He knew he felt something though. Every time the man would touch him, shivers ran through ever nerve in his body. Every time he kissed him, he felt like melting. But, Every time the man uttered those three words, "I love you", everything inside of Ritsuka froze. He couldn't breath, and his whole chest felt sore. Almost as if a 300 pound man had been sitting on his chest, and suddenly got up and ran off. When Soubi said he loved him, he felt like he was being cornered. Like he was being lied to. Like, he was simply a rope Soubi loved to tug on, then gently cut thread by thread. But, the boy was running out of thread. He knew he would soon snap.

But, there was just something about the younger Soubi that enticed him. Sure, even though Ritsuka wasn't sure how he felt emotionally torwds Soubi, he could honestly admit that the man WAS quite attractive. His long corn silk hair, his slit aquamarine blue eyes, his pearl skin, his slender toned body, the whimsical long arms and legs, the smooth firm chest. Soubi was breath-taking. But, his beauty was in a grown way, a way that didn't match Ritsuka's youthful, nearly child like form. Even though he had been with Soubi for two years, and was now 14, he had barely grown but maybe four or five inches. Leaving him at a mear five foot six. It wasn't really that bad, but he was still very lanky, and had a girlish look to him. At his new high school, kids would call him emo. He had no clue what it had meant, and when he asked Yuiko, she laughed at him. She said, "Now that you mention it, you are emo! haha What with you always wearing tight dark cloths, and hair all in your face, and the fact that your gay!" Ritsuka never really forgave Yuiko for calling him gay that day, and ignored her the whole entire day. He still wasn't all that sure what "emo" meant, but he just let it go.

Though, back to younger Soubi: Younger Soubi was simply cute. He carried a sweet look of pure innocence. He didn't seem as stark as Soubi could be. Younger Soubi had the softness that older Soubi lacked. But, most importantly to Ritsuka, he had his ears and tail. And what beautiful appendages they were! His ears looked like silk, and his tail was thick with the corn silk hair. It made Ritsuka realize why Soubi was always nibbling on his ears, and massaging his tail. Because it was just beautiful, and enticing. In his dreams of young Soubi, he had wanted to caress his ears, but, always forgot. It wasn't like he could really think in a dream.

Though, as Ritsuka was sitting in his bed, he wished Soubi were there. Though, he wasn't quite sure yet which one it was he wanted. Then, it hit him. The Soubi now is the same at the Soubi then. At least as person. Ritsuka suddenly felt sort of embarrassed. Crushing over the same person in a different form. He told himself, if he was ever going to "love and accept Soubi", he was going to have to with the one that he had now. The present Soubi.

"But, then what about the threads he cuts from me each time. Why?" Ritsuka thought. He had always avoided sharing with Soubi how he felt. But he was literally becoming sick with it. The thoughts and emotions that were ever flooding his mind. The fact that his usually perfect grades were quickly plummeting, along with the fact that he was becoming increasingly thinner due to lack of eating from all his brains buzzing chaos was seriously wearing him down.

As he reached for the blue cell phone on the dresser next to him, he wasn't quite sure just yet as to what exactly he was about to do. He was so tired and worn out that his mind wasn't really working like it normally would. Had it been just any other day, he would have absolutely stayed the hell away from Soubi, and wouldn't even consider saying anything to the man of how he really felt. But, as he punched the keys on the cell phone to call Soubi, he wasn't sure if he would just talk to him, or invite him over to REALLY have a conversation. Though, knowing Soubi, he would try and trash conversation with physicalities. Nevertheless, the man answered his phone groggily.

"Yes, Ritsuka. What is it? Is everything..yawn..ok?" The soft and groggy voice of Soubi said over the empty dividing space.

"Just come over here, ok." Ritsuka's voice was quite, whether it be from his still shy attitude around Soubi, his exhaustion, or the fact that he was now regretting the decision to call.

"Of course, I'll be there in a minute." Soubi said as Ritsuka could hear rustling sheets in the background.

"Um, ok then, I'll see you then." Ritsuka closed the phone and hung up on the man after his little reply.

Slight realization of what he had just done was starting to buzz in the back of his head. But, his need to release all these emotions was stronger and louder, and out played all else. Because of the fact that Ritsuka was sick of taking out his anger on everyone else (along with himself, he had secretly started experimenting with a gutted shaving razor on his wrist and ankles). For the first time in a long time. He felt like he needed Soubi.

He stared at the glass door, until he saw a familiar tall figure appear behind it. Ritsuka leapt of his bed to meet the form as it stepped through the open balcony glass door. Soubi was caught off-guard, seeing as he had just woken up and ran over here. But, nonetheless, caught off-guard by the boy grabbing him and wrapping his thin arms around the man. But, Soubi graciously returned the sudden gesture, and placed his arms around the smaller boy as well.

"What is it that is troubling you so late at night that you would call me, Ritsuka?" The fighter said. Ritsuka took a deep breath, and readied himself for the confession he was about to make. All the while chibi Ritsuka was trying to stab his brain. And sew a little zipper on the boys mouth. But Ritsuka was so tired and worn down, he was ready to come clean.


	2. Chapter 2

"I...I..." Ritsuka couldn't say it. He couldn't say anything. Not while his small timid frame was pressed up against the strong comforting one he wanted the most. He didn't want to speak. He just wanted to hold onto the man until he reached oblivion. "But why can't I just say it?" He questioned himself.

"So, what is that you had me come over here for? Hmm? Bad dream?" Soubi cut through Ritsuka's confusing train of thought. The man only inches taller than him was rubbing his back comfortingly and nuzzling his cheek on Ritsuka's soft onyx hair. The boy inhaled a shaky breath as he squeezed the fabric of Soubi's shirt in his hand into a fist.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was supposed to tell the man exactly what he was thinking. This was supposed to be the very person he trusted his life with, which he did. But, this was also the one person who could leave his mind so beautifully confused and empty as soon as he was in his presence. Because when Ritsuka was with Soubi, nothing nor no one else mattered. It was simply the two of them in this tragic twist of destiny that they danced upon.

Ritsuka exhaled. "No, it wasn't a dream. I just wanted to...I needed to tell you that...that...that I..." Ritsuka had his eyes squeezed shut at he sensed the older mans eyes roaming around his now flushed face. Ritsuka was praying that Soubi couldn't see his reddening cheeks in the dark. It was already an awkward enough moment. He was too tired to mask the now erupting emotions that played upon his face.

Soubi had slightly pulled away from the embrace. With head cocked to one side Soubi searched the boys face for some type of answer. He did that for a few moments, until his eyes went from staring at the quivering expression on the boys face, to the red slash marks on the boys bare arm that hung limp at his side. Soubi's eyes bolted wide open, fearing that this might not be an injury from his mother.

Soubi bent down to one knee and grabbed the boys cut arm. There were so many of the short little red marks. From the ones on his wrist all counting upwards to the ones near his elbows. He looked up at Ritsuka's now bewildered face, his own blue eyes filled with worry. "Ritsuka, did your mom do all of these?"

"YES!" Ritsuka replied quickly. Soubi knew better though. He knew the boy was lying by the way he was acting so defensive.

Ritsuka stared with bewilderment at Soubi's face. He jerked his arm from the man, completely ignoring his reason for calling him. He felt betrayed of his personal space. Though, in retrospect, he figured he should of at least worn a shirt that wasn't sleeveless. Or at least bandage his scared arm. But, now it was too late. He felt so stupid, so embarrassed, but mostly, so dirty. He felt like he needed to run the bathroom and wash off all of these little tainted marks. He felt like they made him utterly repulsive. And to him, Soubi's reaction simply confirmed that.

Soubi was still looking at the boy with his all knowing eyes. ** "I told you god dammit, my mom did this to me!!! Stop looking at me like I'm some sort of freak!! Even if I had done this, what would it matter, huh? You're the one who uste to always go off and battle on your own, by your own choice! You hurt yourself! And don't even give me that bull-shit that you did it to protect me!!! You..you goddamn masochist!"** Ritsuka yelled at his startled fighter. Ritsuka's whole body was shaking. Acidic tears were flowing down his cheeks, and he cursed himself for allowing himself to break down. He wasn't supposed to be this way in from of Soubi.

Soubi stared at the boy, shocked. For a moment, he wasn't sure what he should do. But, finally it occurred to him, this wasn't a matter of what he "should" say. Or even a matter of what he "should" do. This was a matter of him simply being there for the troubled boy. To stop thinking about his actions. To simply be with the one he wanted more than anything, and show him that.

So, without a single thought or hesitation, Soubi sprang up and wrapped his arms around the shaking boy. Of course, Ritsuka persisted to try and push away, but Soubi had his strong arms gripped around the boy in a death lock.

"Ritsuka, please. I love you. I love you with no limitation, I love you no matter which way I was commanded to. I don't want to see you hurt yourself. I don't want to see you in pain. I'd much rather die that see you in pain." Soubi spilled in a soft quiet whisper. Then took in a shaky breath before continuing. "If, if it's my fault that your hurting yourself. Then...then I'll go away, I'll leave you alone. I'll leave forever if only it will stop your pain. I would do anything for you."

Ritsuka looked up, puzzled, and now shocked at the sadness in his fighters face. He noticed the glint of tears trickling down his soft creamy face. And suddenly, Ritsuka realized how stupid and selfish he was being. His fighter, his lover, his friend, was willing to give up everything for him. To sacrifice his own happiness just for him. Yet, he up until that moment hadn't been.

"Soubi, no. Don't leave. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so damn selfish. I'm sorry that I hurt you." Ritsuka was feeling so guilty, that it made the tears fall at an even quicker pace than before. "I...I love you! Please, don't leave me. Not tonight, or ever again." He squished himself against the fighter as they both cried together.

"Ritsuka, do,...do you really mean that. Do you really love me?" Soubi asked in a scared hushed tone.

"Yes. Of course I do." That reply made Soubi smile and relax his ever tense muscles. The tight grasp he had had around the boy now turned into a loving embrace.

They stood there like that for minutes, maybe even hours, until Soubi finally pulled away. But only enough to lean over and kiss his sweet sacrifice. Ritsuka, for the first time, returned the kiss. The feeling of those soft warm lips melted the leftover snow from his heart. But, the moment only lasted seconds. When suddenly, Ritsuka's bedroom door burst open, with an unexpected visitor.


	3. Chapter 3

The couple stared wide eyed at the women at the door, who seemed to be oblivious to the entwined couple. Aoyagi Misaki stood at Ritsuka's door with a crazed daze in her eyes.

"Seimei! He's back! I told you he would come back!" Misaki's insanely shrill voice was overjoyed as she spread the news. Staring what seemed past Ritsuka and the man in his arms.

"Mom...Seimei's.." Ritsuka started, but was cut short by a voice that came from what seemed to be the stairwell.

"Mom, don't wake Ritsuka. He is a growing boy and needs his sleep after all. You should be sleeping too, mother." That voice. Both Ritsuka and Soubi shuddered at that voice. Both with mixed emotions pulling at the core of their being. That voice they both feared and yearned to hear. That voice that carried such joy and wickedness. That voice that threatened everything, every word that had been spoken. Every womb that had been healed, seemed to burst open fresh along with new ones across their hearts. Seimei. Seimei was back.

Misaki happily shut the door to Ritsuka's room to return to her beloved Seimei. Soubi and Ritsuka stood there in a daze in each other's arms. Had it not been for all that Soubi had come to mean to him, and all that Ritsuka had found out that Seimei had done to Soubi, he too would have returned to his brother. But, he now knew the evil presence that lingered in Seimei's being. Memories that had once been muffled came back with roaring reality. Seimei really was evil. And Seimei really was dangerous. Not only to Soubi, but to him. Ritsuka had more recently been recalling incident of near incest from his brother. His brother at times would seemingly run across the line of brotherly love. Kissing Ritsuka, toying with his member, always having the boy sit in his lap. Which now, Ritsuka realized that that had indeed not been a pack of gum in his brothers pockets.

Ritsuka felt fresh tears rise from his eyes as he stared into the miserable defeated face of his fighter. Ritsuka had barely even known the beginning of all the torture that Seimei had bestowed upon Soubi. Even though it was merely this night that he had admitted his love for him, they had been seemingly close before so. His fragile mind was spinning. Had it not been only minutes ago that everything finally seemed to be looking up. Had it not been less than a hour ago, he was out of his mind and admitted his love. His head was hurting. He just wanted to press pause and think everything through. Needless to say, all thoughts of his previous dream evaporated. The rope Soubi had been assumably cutting away at, Ritsuka realized, wasn't Soubi. It was himself that was nicking away each thread. He was the one pushing the man away. But now, now that he didn't want to push. Now that he wouldn't push, he was ready to run.

"Soubi? Will you be mine? Will you be all mine? Will you abandon the name Beloved and take on with me my name. Loveless. Soubi, will you forever swear to me not to obey any order other than my own? SOUBI...PLEASE, I NEED YOU TO BE THAT PART OF ME! SO SEIMEI CAN NEVER HAVE YOU. NEVER HURT YOU AGAIN!" Ritsuka had started off in a whisper and soon found himself shouting. Soubi had to. Without him, there seemed no more reasons to live.

"Yes, Ritsuka. I will be, I am yours. I will only obey your command. The name we shall forever more share. Loveless." Soubi's voice cracked a bit whilst saying the name Loveless. But instantly, he could feel their bond. For how ever strong it was before, now he was sure, he had to be, that it was stronger than the one Seimei and Soubi had once shared. For the fact was they loved each other. They were IN love with each other.

"Soubi, let's run. Let's get away from here. Please. I've pushed you away, I know...sob...I'm sorry. But I'm done hiding and pushing. Soubi, I'm ready to run. But, only if your by my side." His own tear filled sad eyes stared into the tragic blue of his fighter's eyes. Wordlessly, pleading with the man to take him away from all that troubled him.

"Ritsuka. You have no reason to be sorry. You merely act how you know to. That is why I love you. If you will run, I will be by your side." Soubi said with more sincerity than Ritsuka had ever heard. He could feel the hum of his fighters emotions playing like ticker-tape through his head. They were bonded. Nevertheless, they were still not safe. Whether it be mentally or physically, they were not safe.

Ritsuka grabbed his messenger bag from beside his desk and hurriedly emptied it. Replacing the previous items with a quick grab of cloths along with his camera and as many of the pictures as he dared to grab as the adrenaline pumped through his veins. His greatest fear was Seimei bursting through the door and simply killing he and Soubi both with a flash of his evil grin. As soon as Ritsuka couldn't take the nervousness, he grabbed Soubi's hand and they rushed to the balcony where the gorgeous blond fighter was known to enter and exit from. Soubi jumped down first, and caught the smaller boy as he leaped to his fighters warm and enduring arms.

The ran, side by side, hand in hand, to Soubi's apartment. Soubi seemed just as nervous and scared as his younger lover was. He quickly packed a blind grab of clothes, and unlike Ritsuka who had packed his memories and camera, he swiftly packed a spiral sketch notebook and a few charcoal pencils. He, being he elder, also grabbed a few things for food and drinks. He moved painstakingly fast. In less than three minutes he had everything ready and in his car ready to flea.

Soubi glanced over at his sacrifice as he buckled his seat belt. Soubi had already put the car into gear, and with his foot on the break merely watched the boy. He knew their lives would never again be the same.


End file.
